I Want To Touch You
by divakat
Summary: When Cal decides to do some self-improvement, Gillian does some soul searching and takes matters into her own hands. **Very M** Really.


_**_**Warning*** This is being uploaded early for Smutastic Saturday because I am headed out of town and won't have a chance get it up after tonight. If you CHOOSE to eat dessert first I cannot stop you, but just know that this is all you get! So that being said, if you want to save it for later that's great. If you can't wait, I understand ;)**

**I highly reccomend that you don't read this in the presence of small children...or pets...or pretty much anyone else.**

**So you're not going crazy. The first paragraph of this is intentionally EXACTLY the same as "Caught Me". I thought it would be fun to see how one opening paragraph could go in a comletely different direction. I might continue with this in a later fic and make it sort of a series.**

**This was titled after the song of the same name by Catherine Wheel. Its a downright sexy song and this may possibly be the hottest thing I have written (at least for my taste it is).**

**This is a very Gillian centric fic, written completly from her POV.**

**This fic was absolutely 100% inspired by Tim's hip flexors in the "Incredible Hulk" (his real ones before they alter him, not that painted on stuff). After that it was a product of my desire for Gillian to just take control of the situation once and for all! Then I watched "Unchained" again and was like "WOAH" this is amazing so some of that is in here too. Did I mention Tim's AMAZING hip flexors? OK...you've been warned. **

**OK...enough notes. I still don't own Lie To Me but if anyone from their production team reads this, before you sue me for $ I'm not making, could you just have them act this out? Thanks bunches.**

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_~You're right, most people don't change._

_I've been there. Waiting for it; hoping for it_

_And then they just don't'._

_But there are a few, I think_

_Who can~ _

_Cal Lightman_

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Gillian pushed open the door of Cal's office, nose buried in a file on their latest case. She looked up, puzzled when she found Cal not at his desk. She could have sworn she saw him come in here just a few minutes before. She glanced at the sliding door to his study and saw that it was closed. It was unusual for him to sequester himself in the study mid day but she assumed he wanted privacy for something. She stamped down her curiosity and turned to go when an audible groan from the direction of Cal's study caught her ear.

She rolled her eyes. _So typical, and in the middle of the day no less._ She was about to turn and go when a strained grunt, this one much more prolonged filtered through to her ears, followed by cursing and the clang of something heavy and metal. Concerned, she hurried over and pounded on the door.

"Cal?" she called, "Are you alright?" Not waiting for an answer, she tried the door and was surprised to find that it slid open easily.

She quickly took in the scene in the room. It seemed that Cal had made some recent additions. A heavy punching bag now dangled from the loft in one corner and next to the couch he had somehow managed to cram in a weight bench on which he now sat.

A slow smile crept over her face.

"What?" he asked, obviously thrown off by her intrusion. He was breathing hard and massaging his shoulder, a slight grimace on his face.

"Getting in shape Cal? I have to admit, I'm a little surprised," she chuckled.

He looked a bit sheepish. "Well you know, not getting any younger, eh Foster? Besides, Emily told me a few months back that I was getting a bit paunchy so I decided I'd do something about that. I've been using this stuff at home but since I spend more time here than anywhere else, this seemed a practical solution."

He stood and she let her eyes take in his naked upper body. She quickly schooled her features, trying to hide the widening of her eyes. She could easily see that the working out was paying off. His torso glistened slightly with sweat, and she licked her lips as she trailed her eyes over his slim toned shoulders and down to his flatly muscled chest. He would never have bulging defined muscles, his body just wasn't meant for it, but he was leaner that she had imagined, his waist tapering just slightly to a belly that was anything but paunchy. He was certainly no Brad Pitt but for a man nearing fifty, she had to admit he looked pretty good.

His pants rode low on his hips and her heart sped up as her gaze was drawn downward to the twin lines of his hip flexors that disappeared into his jeans and the sparse trail of hair than began just below his navel. She felt a quick rush of heat between her thighs at the surprising and nearly overpowering desire to trail her fingertips over his hips and flat belly.

Gradually she became aware that Cal had spoken and she shook herself, reluctantly dragging her eyes back up to his face. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She flushed, realizing he had caught her staring.

"I asked if there was something I could help you with." His mouth quirked in a knowing smile as his eyes narrowed.

"What..? No…I just…I just came in to ask about…about the case…you know, with the…thing?" She realized she was rambling like an idiot.

"'Fraid I don't know the case with the thing, love. You'll have to be more specific." He was obviously enjoying having flustered her.

"The Anderson case? With the corporate embezzlement allegations? I set up a meeting for tomorrow morning," she said, finally bringing herself under control.

"Right. Excellent. I'll just get back to what I was doing then shall I?" He gestured behind him but instead of walking back to the weight bench he locked his eyes to hers and came toward her, stopping only when he was uncomfortably close. "Unless there was something else?" His eyes searched her face.

He was close enough that she could smell the delightful mixture of his soap and spicy cologne combined with the heady odor of fresh clean sweat and feel the heat from his skin. She put her hands up to his chest to stop his advance but withdrew immediately when the feel of his warm moist flesh beneath her palms sent shocks of electricity up her arms. "No, nothing else. Just the case," she managed weakly.

"With the thing?" he said in a low voice, leaning his head to the side as he contemplated her reactions.

She took a deep breath, sliding around him as she backed toward the door. "Yes. That was all," she couldn't take her eyes off him and she silently cursed herself for becoming so easily ruffled.

He watched her retreat, amusement and arousal plain on his face. She turned once she reached the outer office and forced herself to take slow and steady steps, even though she wanted to run at top speed.

"Oi! Foster," he called just as she reached the door.

She spun quickly to find him leaning seductively against the entrance to his study.

"If you ever want to have a go, all you have to do is say the word."

She couldn't stop her jaw from dropping open.

"At the punching bag I mean." He grinned, gesturing behind his back. "It's excellent for relieving…tension."

She fled before he had a chance to see her reaction.

* * *

The rest of the day was pure torture. She hated that she couldn't erase the image of Cal's half naked body from her brain. It was as if it had been permanently branded across her mind's eye.

Why in the hell should this be affecting her so much? Nothing had changed and it wasn't as if she had seen him completely undressed or something. Of course perhaps if she had, her mind would stop obsessing about what was just underneath the low riding waistline of his jeans.

She shook her head and refocused on the personnel records spread out in front of her on the desk. She was beginning to make some headway when Cal burst in, threw himself down on in the chair opposite her and leered at her without saying a word.

"Something I can help you with?" She kept her face blank.

"No, no. I just came by to see how you were doing on…you know…the case with the thing." He gestured vaguely to the papers strewn on her desk. "Getting a lot of work done?"

"Yes, actually it's coming along nicely when I'm not being distracted." She narrowed her eyes meaningfully.

"Well, you know. Carry on then, love. I was just feeling a bit stiff." He reached his arms up behind his head and stuck his legs out so that his shirt rode up just enough, exposing a line of flesh along his hips and belly. "Just thought I'd have a stretch." He smiled, making sure she had ample time to look.

"Goodbye Cal." She shuffled papers around on her desk, refusing to make eye contact with him again.

"Well, I see my work here is done. I'll be around if you decide you need anything."She didn't have to be an expert in voice patterning to hear the implication behind his words. She hoped he wouldn't continue to be this insufferable.

Who was she kidding? Of course he would.

* * *

Gillian bolted awake in the darkness, her heart racing and heat coursing through her body. Her hand probed the empty space on the bed next to her to reassure herself that she was well and truly alone as she fought against the all too real feeling of soft flesh sliding beneath her fingertips. She touched her lips and closer her eyes, her dream lover's mouth still burning against hers.

She flipped on the light and drew her knees up, wrapping her arms around them as she rested her head, tears slipping slowly down her cheeks.

She knew deep down that the feelings suddenly rising to the surface weren't new. In the beginning she had chalked up her physical attraction to him as hero worship. Her admiration for his intellectual genius was simply manifesting itself in a chemical response. As their relationship and their friendship grew she had pushed down those feelings and directed her attentions elsewhere. She had met Alec and found she could convince herself that he was what she really wanted.

It wasn't simply the sudden burst of physical awareness that had her on edge. Cal's desire to get in shape and take care of himself physically was a symptom of something bigger that was slowly shifting and changing within him and she knew it.

He had been...less self destructive of late. Since his birthday it was as if he was finally looking at the rest of his life as an uphill journey instead of simply an inevitable descent. His interest in their business had taken off as well but for the first time in her acquaintance with him she saw him striving for balance with his work instead of his monomaniacal quest to assuage his guilt and fear.

She saw openness about him that hadn't been there before. He had worked too long and hard on his walls to simply allow them to crumble over night, but there were moments, just moments, when she sensed that he was working hard to carve a doorway for her.

She threw herself back against her pillows, staring up at the ceiling as she searched for a workable solution to her problem.

If it was a simple matter of consummating their passions, it would have happened years ago. There had certainly been ample opportunities. She knew however, that she could never just give him her body; could never take _only_ his physical attentions. For them it would be all or nothing and she knew that they were approaching the tipping point. In fact if she admitted it to herself, they had been dancing around it for quite some time, advancing and retreating, just slightly out of step with each other.

The problem was Cal of course. If she gave in to him; let him have control for one minute, she would lose him. If he believed it was his choice; that he had pushed her to this, he would run. His deep seeded fear of abandonment would drive him to sabotage everything they had simply to avoid being hurt. She had seen him use sex both as a defense and a weapon against others and himself. She would be neither of those things to him.

In her mind, she began to form a plan.

* * *

She had almost made it through the meeting without incident. As Cal tore apart the heads of the Anderson Corporation one by one with remarkable precision and lack of tact, she had no trouble focusing on the business at hand. When the hapless victims that she called clients finally left the conference room, however, Cal made his first attempt of the day to corner her.

"So, Foster, have any lunch plans?" He flashed her a grin she was sure he intended to be charming.

"Actually, I'm having lunch with an old friend. Was there something you needed?" She kept her tone intentionally casual and uninterested.

"I was just going to catch a workout, thought you might want to come by…you know, to spot me."He raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks, but I'll pass." She began gathering the files in front of her on the table.

He rose and moved to stand behind her chair, leaning down until she could feel his warm breath against her ear. She willed herself not to shiver.

"I couldn't sleep last night, thinking about that look in your eyes," he growled.

She spun around, facing him with a deliberately blank stare. "Oh? What look was that?"

He leaned forward, resting his hands on the arms of her chair as his eyes skimmed up her legs and over her breasts before coming to rest on her face. His eyes were darkened with a primal hunger and she fought to keep her breath even under the heat of his stare. "This look," he said softly.

With a hand to his chest she pushed him backwards and stood, straightening her skirt.

"Dinner tonight, at my place," she said as she walked away.

"Did it occur to you that I might have other plans?" he threw at her.

"No. And it wasn't a request. I'll see you at six." She made it out of the room before her knees began to shake and she collapsed against a wall out of sight.

* * *

She turned off the stove when a knock sounded at the door. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath; grabbed the half empty glass of wine on the counter and downed it in one gulp. She steeled herself against the sudden fear that gripped her. She was playing a dangerous game and it was one she couldn't afford to lose.

She untied her apron and tossed it on the counter, gathering herself as she walked toward the door. She smoothed her black sleeveless dress as she reached for the handle and checked her mask of confidence in the small entry way mirror.

"You're late," she said as she opened the door.

"Well I had difficulty picking out a costume," he quickly shed his coat and hung it on a peg. Underneath he was dressed in his standard button fly jeans and black long sleeved t-shirt, though this one did seem to be slightly snugger and less wrinkled that many in his collection.

She let her eyes linger at the slightly freckled skin revealed by the wide neckline. She traced the lines of tendons connecting his neck and shoulders; trailed along his collar bone to the soft indentation at the base of his throat as she imagined what it would be like to taste him there.

Gillian met his eyes and made no effort to hide; saw that he was thrown by her open appraisal and obvious desire. She turned and walked into the main living area, not looking over her shoulder to see if he was following. As she walked past the kitchen she stopped to grab the open bottle of wine and two glasses.

"I thought we were having dinner," he said from directly behind her.

She turned and looked at him steadily. "We are. Later."

"Gillian…"His eyes turned softer as her intentions hit home. She knew that for all his bravado, he would try to talk her out of this and she was in no mood to listen.

"Don't, Cal. For once, this isn't about you." She stepped around him without another word and headed for the bedroom.

She set the glasses on the dresser but didn't pour the wine. She turned as Cal entered the room behind her. "Take off your shirt," she demanded.

"Excuse me?" his eyes narrowed and she could tell he was wondering just how far she would take things.

"You heard me Cal. Take off your shirt." She stepped closer to him and was amused when he took a step back. "I told you, this isn't about you. This is about what I want."

"And what is it you want exactly, Gillian?" He stood his ground this time as she moved in, reaching out to trail her fingertips down the exposed flesh at the side of his neck, continuing lower over the top of his shirt, until her finger caught against the waist of his jeans.

"I want to touch you," she whispered, removing her hand as she let it drop to her side. "Now take off your shirt."

This time he didn't hesitate but there was uncertainty in his eyes as he dropped his shirt at his feet and stepped toward her. She put out her hands to stop him, pushing against his shoulders slightly as she kept him at a distance; kept control. So far things were going exactly as she intended.

Once she had stopped his advance, she stepped in, leaving her hands at his shoulders as she brushed her body against his. He reached out his arms to circle them around her and she slid her hands down, forcing his arms back to his sides. "Not yet," she said firmly.

"Gillian…" he tried.

"My house, my rules," she said simply.

She watched his eyes, saw that he was frustrated by her commands. The tiny muscle on the right side of his right jaw twitched, and his breathing grew fast and shallow as he restrained himself.

She leaned her head forward and pressed her lips to that twitching muscle, opening her mouth against the roughness of his half-shaven skin. The sharp taste of his soap filled her mouth as she flicked her tongue across his jaw. She ran her hands over his shoulders, as his muscles rippled in tiny tremors beneath her touch.

She trailed her lips down his neck and ghosted over his collar bone. When she reached the base of his throat she hesitated, letting him feel her warm breath there before her tongue darted out, flicking the space just below his adam's apple. She put her mouth to that indentation, laving the skin with her tongue. She felt the vibration in his throat as he groaned long and low, his muscles tensing beneath her palms as he clenched his fists.

Gillian pulled back from him, her hands jumping immediately to the zipper at the side of her dress. She locked eyes her eyes to his, refusing to break contact.

Slipping the dress from her shoulders, she was rewarded when she heard Cal's breath catch in his throat. She felt a thrill of satisfaction when his eyes left hers, taking in the matching black lace bra and panties that had been purchased specially for him. He exhaled sharply as his eyes came to rest on her black thigh high stockings which were delicately embellished with tiny black satin ribbons.

"My God, Gill…" His voice was strained.

"I know," she said simply. She stepped into him again, placing her hands softly against his chest as she memorized the outlines of his body. The smooth feeling of his skin sliding beneath her fingers was better than any dream she could imagine. She stroked her palms over his flat nipples before lowering her mouth to nip gently at the erectile flesh, smiling when his breath hissed between his teeth. He stiffened as her fingers traced over his ribs, toying with the waistband of his jeans before she abruptly sank to her knees in front of him.

"Gillian…wait," he tried to stop her.

"Shut up Cal," she ordered as she leaned forward and put her lips to the hard plane of his stomach, opening her mouth as she sucked and nipped at the smooth skin there. The slightly salty, slightly musky taste of his skin sent heat coursing through her body. Suddenly it was as if a floodgate opened inside of her, need spilling over the top of the dams she had built against her desire for him. She wanted to touch him everywhere, to feel every inch of his body pressed against hers.

His hands reached for the top of her head, twining in her hair and she allowed him that much as she wrapped her arms around him, digging her nails roughly into the skin of his lower back. She leaned to the side and stole a moment to take in the stunning fusion of his stomach and hip, carved into a shallow valley that held her eyes. She lowered herself to that tempting spot and opened her mouth, trailing the flat of her tongue upward from the edge of his jeans before dragging her lips back down with agonizing slowness.

She whimpered in pleasure as his hands fisted in her hair and he shuddered beneath her lips. She slowly moved her head to the other side and repeated the action as his breathing grew harsh above her.

She looked up at him as her hands moved around to the front of his jeans. He traced his palm down the side of her face and cupped her jaw as he ran the pad of his thumb over her lips. She opened her mouth and drew his thumb inside, swirling her tongue around the tip as she worked the buttons.

She saw a brief look of hesitation cross his face as she undid the final button.

"Are you sure, Gill?" his voice was soft and thick with barely restrained desire.

In silent answer, she slipped her hands around to his back and pushed his jeans over his hips, trailing her fingers across his rounded backside before coming around to the front again to gingerly lift his briefs over his straining erection.

With one last hungry look, she grabbed onto his hips, stroking her fingers over the carved muscle there as she bent her head to take the tip of his cock in her mouth. She brought a hand around to cup his balls gently as his palms came to rest on her shoulders, stroking over her back and neck as she moved her lips slowly, up and down his shaft, swirling her tongue around his thick member as he moaned her name.

She leaned forward, opening her throat to take him in completely as she stretched her jaw muscles wide, then backed off slowly as he let out a low shuddering moan. She smiled against him, enjoying the feeling of control. She began to move steadily, letting his gasps and moans direct her rhythm and pressure. He ran his hands wildly through her hair as his hips pumped slightly in time with her motions. His breathing grew more and more uneven as his body responed to her hands and mouth.

"Christ, I'm going to come," he gasped suddenly as he stilled his hips.

She immediately ceased her movements and removed her mouth from him, squeezing hard on his shaft as he roared in frustration. "Not yet," she said firmly.

She got to her feet and moved to the bed, slipping off her panties as she sat down and raised one leg, parting her thighs as she rested her foot on the edge of the bed. She raked her eyes across his naked body, noting the way his muscles moved as he drew deep ragged breaths. His cock rested against his belly, twitching slightly as he watched her, the heat of his arousal nearly palpable.

Slowly she moved a hand between her thighs, stroking herself gently as he groaned and moved toward her.

"That is, quite possibly, the sexiest thing I have ever seen," he rasped.

She inserted two fingers inside herself as she continued to stroke her clit, felling the coiling tension mounting just below her belly with the slightest touch. She withdrew her fingers with excruciating slowness as he moved between her legs, leaning over her on the bed. She put her fingers to his lips. "Taste what you do to me," she purred, as he eagerly took her fingers in his mouth, closing his eyes as he savored her.

"I want more." He tried to move lower on her body but she dragged him back up.

"Not this time." She moved back on the bed. "I want you inside me. I want you to touch me Cal."

"Christ I thought you'd never ask." He moved quickly up her body, bending her knee as he did so and draping it over his hip. He took only a moment to position himself before driving into her fully.

She lifted her head as his lips sought hers, and she sighed as he crashed into her, their mouths colliding in a fierce rush as his hips slammed into hers again and again. The desperate intimacy of his kiss combined with the slick heat of his body stroking against hers set up a throbbing pulse in her sex which quickly raged out of control. She threw her head back as sensation overwhelmed her and his mouth sought her breast, soaking the lace as he tugged at her nipple with his teeth. She raised her knees higher on his sides, clutching frantically at his back as their combined throaty cries rang out and shattered the silence in the room.

Her hands clasped and spasmed uncontrollably against him and her whole body trembled as she hovered just at the edge. He shifted, his mouth opening against her throat in a harsh cry as he thrust violently into her with complete and unrestrained abandon. The sheer intensity of it was too much and every nerve in her body exploded with pleasure at once in a strong and prolonged orgasm that forced the breath from her lungs in a strangled gasp that resembled his name.

His entire body stiffened and he opened his mouth in a wordless howl, his back arching impossibly as he pushed inside her as far as he could. His orgasm was so powerful that she felt a series of hot bursts against her trembling womb and another wave swept through her as he collapsed in a shuddering heap, his face buried in her neck.

She whimpered beneath him as tiny aftershocks of pleasure continued to shake her and felt his lips moving tenderly against her throat as he mouthed her name over and over.

She smiled and cradled his head with heavy arms, a tear sliding slowly down her cheek. Eight years of wanting and searching had culminated in this perfect moment of intimacy and passion and it was so much more than she had been prepared for.

They clung to each other in the semi-darkness of her bedroom as he slowly softened and slipped from her body. Silence crept in around them as their breathing quieted. She stroked his back gently as she stared at the ceiling, waiting for him to speak first.

"Why Gillian?" he said when he could catch his breath.

"Do you really have to ask?"She smiled, brushing his hair back from his forehead idly.

"I mean why like this, love. Why now?" He pressed, propping himself up on an elbow so he could see her face in the shadows. He stroked his fingers lazily along her arm.

She hesitated. This was the moment in the game when you went all in or went home. It was time to put her chips on the table. "Because you needed to know that I came to this on my own; that it wasn't simply about being what you wanted me to be. This is what I want Cal."

His eyes grew dark and his face unreadable as her words washed over him.

She took his face between her hands, forcing him to focus on her. "This is my choice. I _choose_ you. I've _always_ chosen you Cal. Don't you dare push me away. Don't you dare run from me. There is no place you could hide that I won't find you." Her voice broke as emotion overpowered her.

His eyes glistened in the low light as he lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her with a tenderness that told her all she ever needed to know. Their breath and tears mingled and she lost herself to the sweet ache inside.

Finally he raised himself, and looked at her with complete openness, his cheeks moist. She reached up and wiped at his tears.

"Never knew you were such a crybaby," she smiled.

"Oh you know, not every day your best friend tells you she loves you and then shags you senseless," he sniffed.

"Who said anything about love?" Her eyes sparkled.

"You did, darling." He stroked the back of his hand down her cheek to rest against her jaw. "You did." He kissed her again, his lips lingering softly against hers as her heart swelled.

"I just have one question."He looked at her quizzically.

"What's that?" she asked, meeting his eyes.

"What was the wine for?" he asked in an amused tone.

"In case I lost my nerve," she admitted with a shy grin.

"Never would have happened," he said confidently.

"Why do you say that?"

"Simple. You can't resist me." He grinned.

"You're going to be absolutely impossible now aren't you?" she groaned.

"Impossibe? Me? Never." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "Alright, maybe just a bit," he admitted.

"You'd better get the wine. I think I'm beginning to reconsider," she giggled.

"Well, I'll just have to work hard to convince you then." He lowered his head, nuzzling her neck as she wrapped her arms around him tightly.

"What about dinner?" she whispered, squirming as his tongue tickled her earlobe.

"Later," he growled, "much, much later."

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_So please tell me what you think. Is this really as hot as I think it is or is it just me? I'm serious here as perhaps my sense of hotness differs from you, the reader's. Hope you enjoyed._


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